This is for anyone who has felt deeply frustrated in a family conversation, at work, or while watching politics unfold and sensed that something more than disagreement was happening.
Often the conflict is not really about facts or decisions.
It is about who gets to define the story.
Narrative sovereignty conflict
A narrative sovereignty conflict happens when people try, often unconsciously, to stabilize their own sense of self by shaping how the past or present is understood.
It shows up everywhere.
In families, after separation or conflict, people defend a version of the story that preserves their goodness, even if it flattens complexity or pushes the other person out.
In organizations, during change, layoffs, or failure, teams compete over narratives of competence, blame, and legitimacy. Meetings slowly shift from problem-solving to positioning.
In politics, entire groups fuse identity to a story. Any challenge to it feels like a threat to existence rather than a difference of view.
Across all of these contexts, the same thing happens.
The nervous system senses threat, and the story tightens.
That tightening is the knot.
What to do in the moment
This knot does not untangle by arguing better.
It untangles by changing levels.
When you notice heat rising, urgency to explain, or the need to correct, pause.
Bring your attention to your breath for a moment.
Then bring awareness to your heart.
Then to your hara (gut).
Breath.
Heart.
Gut.
Once you feel more grounded, respond at the level of values or process rather than history.
You might say something like:
- What matters to me is staying regulated and responding to what is actually happening.
- I care about how we handle this, even if we see it differently.
This is not disengagement.
It is a skillful blend, like in aikido, where force is met with alignment instead of resistance.
Nothing is conceded.
The pull simply dissolves.
What to reflect on afterward
Once things settle, a short reflection helps train you out of the knot over time.
- What story felt threatened, mine or theirs?
- What was I trying to protect in that moment, truth, identity, or safety?
- What would it look like to act with integrity without needing to be understood?
What changes over time
If you return to this loop again and again, awareness, grounding, reflection, something shifts.
Conflicts still arise.
But they no longer hook you the same way.
You stop tightening the knot.
And when you do, it begins to untie itself.
Or it goes and ties up with something else.
Either way, you are no longer caught in it.
⛩️🌿
